Hi there. Most of you seeing this page know me as Dreams, some of you know me as Lumi, and a few might know me in real life. If you're looking for ye old website content, here's where some are temporarily parked: Sounds of South Africa - A site dedicated to Qkumba Zoo AME AME - My personal homepage of nonsense... Sizzling Circuits - A site for the Ruby-Spears Megaman cartoon Eternal Dragon - The DB-Z-GT site I was making with Silver Fox Everything else was destroyed in the great website fire of 2009. The ones that remain are still in critical condition, though, so don't be surprised if they die eventually. Prepared for some tl;dr bawww? "Soooyy un perdedor..." I have no future. Sure, everyone has some future, but I mean, I have nothing to aspire to in this lifetime. And I don't care who's reading this and who wants to say what about it to me (who the hell visits my website anyway?), but despite all my happy pills and playtime with Timeka, I'm still miserable at my core because my life is Nothing Going Nowhere. I attended school so I could pay a massive amount of money for a degree in animation, only realizing halfway through the program that I have no real talent for art, and in all honesty, I don't want a job in the art field. But by that point, I felt I had to finish because I had too much time and money invested in it already. I started to discover I had a massive love for languages, so I made myself a closet linguist. If I had any talent, I really wish I could speak about 10 other languages fluently. Then I'd have about a billion career and volunteer opportunities, and I could go so many places in the world without being afraid of the language barrier. Except, I completely lack follow-through. I only get so far in a language before quitting, and I think it's just because I have ADD rather than I get sick of the language. If you dangle a shiny thing in front of my face, I will latch onto that and likely forget whatever I was originally doing for the next year or so. I would love to make more excuses about this, like how I don't have the money or help to go back to school or hire or a tutor, etc, to finish learning a language, but we all know it's a load of BS. Where there's a will, there's a way, and as Chef Ramsay would scream at me, "You've given up!" It's so true. I have absolutely no self-confidence in anything. The only thing I like to do is lurk around on language websites, helping people translate things, until someone fluent comes along and points out all the mistakes I made. Then I usually just cower away like a dog with my tail between my legs, all heartbroken and wishing I really knew the language fluently myself. I just enjoy the act of translating so much that I will literally learn "enough" of a language (verb endings, grammar patterns, etc) that I can use that + an online dictionary to = a translation. Except sometimes I do them quite badly, and that is why I fail. I do, or used to do, other things too - like art, stories, poetry. But it becomes a massive mess in my mind. When I look at the countless upon countless people who are on sites like DeviantArt, I think, how can you even believe your talent is worth anything? There are a billion people out there doing the same thing you're doing, and in my case, they're all doing it better. Plus, they're younger than me, which makes me feel crappier. There's nothing that'll put you in your place like someone much younger than you with talent pouring out of their... ears. Do people like that even think or care about things like this? No, because likely, their lives are all together properly. They've got talent, friends, family, and so on. And in their position, it's easy to be happy and nice. They never have to worry about possibly losing the house soon because they have no money to pay for property taxes, even though it's not even their house, but they're just too poor to move out so they're still living with mommy. What royally hurts is that the people who have more, GET more. It makes me think of Mark 4:25, even though that's not really the meaning of the verse. When are awesome things going to plop in my lap? Never. It'll always be a struggle for me. ...Green-eyed monster, you say? Yeah. Except technically, my eyes have frozen over with ice. There's more to the story, but I went from being Dreams to the Lumekuninganna - it's Estonian for "Snow Queen." My domain, once full of fresh spring water, froze. You can just call me Lumi, or "snow." It's not really worth befriending me, or reasoning with me, or trying to encourage me, or yelling at me and telling me I'm emo... I don't have a reaction to any of it, and I'm not all that good a friend these days. I do my best to hide away from the real world because I hate it. I'm a lazy, self-absorbed, pile of nothing who... I have no idea how to end this stupid thing.